Brain Dump

So, for some reason this entire year, I have been avoiding journaling or blogging of any kind. I'm not really sure why. But right now I am having a really really hard time with a paper- because I am a senior and frankly have no motivation whatsoever to focus, and so I need to brain dump. I need to just start typing so that can get in the flow of things and make this very simple paper happen. So here it goes- Enjoy and hopefully it will make me feel a lot better.

I had an interview with AT&T today. I really think it went well. I don't want to say anything because of course I don't know the applicants. Finding my way in this crazy economy has proved to be much more difficult than I realized. I think it will be easier once I am out of school, but right now it has been really tough. There are so many thing on my mind- moving, leaving California, getting school done, finding a job, finding a place to live, benefits, money, weddings...And the list goes on. It seems like I suddenly have this new wave of responsibility that I'm not quite sure I want. And frankly, my parents haven't really prepared me for everything I will be paying for. Rent, Utilties, Food, Furniture, Insurance, Gas, Cell Phone Bill- it takes a lot for a person to live in America. So many bills all around. I wish I could just have one bill that paid for everything. I guess I really don't wish that but I do wish that I had a greater understanding of what comes next. And yet, somehow it is all falling into place. Its really blowing my mind. I was so stressed this time last month and now I just have this overwhelming peace of the fact that its all going to work itself out. God is working and He is going to put me where He wants me. And its amazing that I am learning what trust means in so many different capacites. First I learned it with Pepperdine and you would have thought that would have been a big enough lesson. And yet, here I am again, thinking about leaving and freaking out even more than I did before. But think about what comes next: Oklahoma, marriage, Germany, career... College I can handle. College was familiar. I know how to do that. Those things... are beyond me... And yet somehow I'm going to figure it out. And I am gaining a greater understanding of what it means when they say that it really is all about the journey. Because it really is all about the journey. The destination is fun but getting there is the best part.