Kissing

I’m back home for the weekend. It feels so good. Chris picked me up at the airport and then we went to get On The Border and walked around Petsmart waiting until we could get my bag which obviously was on a later flight.

When I kiss Chris, everything just feels so right. I feel safe with him. But then when I see people who are going through divorces and things it scares me into thinking what if we are too young? Or what if we are doing this the wrong way? I really don’t think we are. And maybe you can’t tell until later. Maybe its not about knowing right now whether this is “right” or “wrong” but maybe its simply that I am making a choice and that choice is to love you for the rest of our lives. Maybe Carissa knew what she was talking about when she told me that about Joel. Maybe its not about knowing but rather about choosing.

I want to choose him. I’m going to choose him. And I know that it will be a good choice.

Spring Break!

Dear Blog,

Its time for Spring Break! Finally. All the papers have been written and test have been tooken and now I get to see my amazing fantastic boyfriend and my family and spend the week with him. Its going to be great. And a much needed relaxation from everyone here, especially my apartment. Thank goodness I only have to live here for 2 more months after we get back. Okay, I love everything. The end.

Reason #29 why I love my boyfriend: Because we stick together (like gummy bears).

Laughter

I get to pick you up at the airport! I'm so lucky!

This is a tribute to my boyfriend because he makes me laugh, holds me when I cry, and helps me to become a better person everyday. He is my knight in shining armor and my hero.

He is on my blog right now because he is the one that keeps me updating every night. Many a night I would have forgotten had it not been for his gentle reminder.

We're going to get married you know. Some people say that its too soon. Maybe. Oh well, I guess we will just work it out. :) Good thing I know his heart well enough to trust that we will make it through this life happy together.

I love love. I love him.

New Beginnings

Today I feel like a different woman. I feel like a new person. I feel so good about life and love and where life and love are going. I also got my haircut and I am way cute. I can't post a picture of it yet though because Chris has to wait until Friday to see it. Yup, thats right. FRIDAY!!! I can't wait. I can't believe its already Spring Break and then we have the entire summer together. Its going to be such a blast. :) I love everything. I can't wait for the summer/the rest of our lives. God is so good and has blessed us so much. Amen.

Just Friends

Can guys and girls be just friends? It's an age old question. The answer: no.

Controversial, you say? Here's my argument based on cold hard evidence (my opinion). Guys and girls cannot be just friends because at one point or another one of the two parties has considered what a relationship would be like with the other person. And guys if you don't believe this is true, think about this. Just about every girl you know has tried out her first name with your last name even if it was just to see. And if that is not enough proof for you then I'll continue. Also, think about it this way. There may be some person that you are thinking of that you are saying "We are totally just friends and I have never thought of them that." My argument: if its not you thinking it, then its them.

Guys and girls can be acquaintances. They could even have a couple of good platonic conversations. However, intimacy is not okay between just friends and that is what happens if it goes further. Intimacy means that you are not just friends but rather are getting emotional fulfillment from that person. Emotional fulfillment from a member of the opposite sex means that you are either dating them or should be dating them because intimacy should be reserved for those type of relationships.

Okay, I really have a lot more to say on this topic but I will conclude with this. Don't be stupid. We make excuses all the time to quiet the dissonance that we are having about certain things. Guys and girls cannot be just friends and once you come to that realization you will have much happier, more successful relationships in all aspects of your life. Get a clue, face reality and you will realize that I am right.


Reason #44 why I love my boyfriend: While I thought we were just friends, he was definitely hoping for the day that it could be more than that. Good thing it worked out for him!

6 months!! :) Who knew? (Apparently him.)

Definitely, Maybe

Today Barbara and I had our girls day which was really fun. Part of it was seeing Definitely, Maybe. We definitely thought that it was going to be a good movie. Maybe we were wrong...

Very well done movie: Definitely.
Should have had a more well done message: Maybe
Excellent acting: Definitely.
Advocated principles I don't support: Maybe.
Will it get good ratings: Yes.
Should you go see it: Maybe not.

It was your typical Hollywood story advocating romance that doesn't exist in real life. Pardon me if I sound cynical?

Frankly too right now I don't really want to write about this. But I will definitely talk more about this tomorrow and maybe you can understand better. (Too much?)

Need for Attention

I'm not sure what my deal is tonight but I am just in desperate need of attention. Its not like I haven't had attention all day and yesterday and tonight. I just need it. I'm such a girl sometimes, I guess. So anyways,

Tonight Barbara and I watched Mean Girls. I think I will use it in my ministry this summer with the girls. It has a really good message...a really good Christian message in fact. There are some questionable uses of language throughout it but I think its ridiculously applicable to preteen/teenage girls today. So...yeah. Also, I think I want to use Juno. Great movie. Totally relevant.

Beauty. Okay the end.

Love.



"The Perfect Ending"

Taken in context,
It's not a bad thing,
But when you start to pick it apart,
It gets so depressed,
It's that sort of thing,
That makes you think too much,
It's that sort of thing,
Makes you lose your objectivity,

So if you made it,
Just be glad that you did and stay there,
If you ever feel loved or needed,
Remember that you're one of the lucky ones,
And if it's over,
Just remember what I told you,
It was bound to happen so just...
Keep moving on,
There are no perfect endings,

You peel back the layers
And get down to the inside,
But sometimes you loose sight,
Of what it was you were trying to find,
And it's that sort of thing,
That makes you think too much,
It's that sort of thing,
Makes you lose your objectivity

So if you made it,
Just be glad that you did and stay there,
If you ever feel loved or needed,
Remember that you're one of the lucky ones,
And if it's over,
Just remember what I told you,
It was bound to happen so just...
Keep moving on,
There are no perfect endings,
No perfect endings.

Celebrations

Tonight was Kala's birthday and my firs official episode of Lost. My review of Lost: not the worst show ever, very intriguing and well done. However, it is not the hype that it cracked up to be. Then again I guess people could say that about OTH, too. And then I might hit them. With something large and hard. This is going to be a good weekend and next week even bette.r Can't wait. Love.

the Song in my Heart

No one has ever wanted me to sing for them before, but Chris does. And I love to sing. I mean, I don't do it well but I really love it. Someone once told me that I have a song in my heart.

A true friend knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words. -From Katy at some point in life

That's how I feel about Chris. He knows the things that make me happy. And he probably knew that I loved to sing, which was the only thing he needed in order for my singing to be beautiful.

Isn't it the truth that when a man truly loves a woman that she becomes more beautiful to the rest of the world? I think so. At least, I feel much more beautiful and because Chris can see it, I think it makes other people look for it, too. Too bad he got there first :P

It's a beautiful thing to be loved and more beautiful because of it.

Blogs of Note

New Goal: To get on Blogs of Note. Yes, I know. It is a noble goal. I think it is going to have to consist of longer entries that once again, help mankind, are somewhat witty, and keep people's attention. I could totally be a journalist. So here's my chance to prove it to the world. Only, not tonight. Tonight I have to go to bed.


Reason #241 why I love my boyfriend: Because he's so dangerous ;) He's a bad boy in that really good boy kind of way.

Reason #242 why I love my boyfriend: He's my hero.

Girlfriends

Tonight the girls came over and watched One Tree Hill. Sorry this blog is not helpful to mankind except for the fact that all girls should have good girlfriends and watch some soap operay TV show together and talk about boys and engagement rings,etc. So that's what we did. And you know when you get girls together they really do laugh a lot more than they would in normal life. And I love love love talking about mine and Chris' wedding. And as much fun as it is talking about it with him, there's just an excitement that other girls get that feeds my excitments and well you know...so it was a blast and I can't wait for the next year when we are all planning weddings :)

Helping Mankind

Here is the first blog that should be beneficial to your life:

The album by Arcade Fire called "Neon Bible" is well, not that impressive. I knew in advance that I wasn't that big of a fan of this band but I thought 'Why not give them another try?' People I know in my life of whom I greatly respect their music taste enjoy the musical happenings of Arcade Fire. I, however, do not. Maybe I have passed this stage in my life in which this kind of music is enjoyable. Either way, not to impressive. However, the name is good and the lyrics are also pretty good. It's a decent album but not something I will be listening to a lot.

Another album given to me today was "Is This It" by the Strokes. Now let me ask you this: When have The Strokes not been pleasing. I mean honestly, think of the last Strokes song that you didn't like. And this album was just as good as all the rest. And it is really good driving music. Like, I could take a road trip to this album. Definitely worth your time and adding to your iPod.

Recently, I have also started listening to Kate Voegele. She appears on "One Tree Hill" as Mia. Her most recent album is excellent, especially if you are a girl. Although, it would be better music if I still hated men and had just gone through a break up, I have no reason not to support her musical talent, passion, and pretty good acting skills. When I saw her I thought, "Man, I wish I was a rocker chick." True story.

Finally, is the new Jack Johnson album. Very disappointing. Don't get me wrong. If this is the only album you have heard of Jack Johnson's then you will probably be very pleased. His music is good. However, real talent is keeping your style but showing some creativity and variety. Jack Johnson does not do this. All of his songs sound exactly the same. The same chords and feeling with different lyrics. Unfortunately, even the lyrics are similar. Not worth your money. Maybe if someone gives you this album or if you need some extra tunes for a beach day you could burn it but overall no impressive.

Just to justify the previous music reviews: for those of you that are unaware, I have impeccable taste in music. I am a music connoisseur which is not snobbery but just sophistication.

New Favorite Song of the Week: Technicolor Eyes by Backseat Goodbye


P.S. Everyone should listen to the Rocket Summer.

Making Resolutions Better

Dear Blog,

You are going to get better. In fact, you may even have a name soon although I am partial to the name blog. However, I am now resolved to pay more attention to you, to write in you earlier in the day, to put substantial information about my thoughts and the world in you, to help people through you. You are my instrument, my tool, my outreach to the entire human society (almost) and from now on I'm going to do my best to start treating you that way. So here's to making you better. Who ever said you couldn't change the world through a blog?

Keeping Up Resolutions

I am getting really worn out with this blog because I always write in it really late at night. I wish that I would use it for its real purpose. Maybe that should be my new resolution is to use the blog how it should be used.

Reasons I love my boyfriend:
1. He's extremely good looking.
2. He always wants to take care of me.
3. He talks to me in his sleep.
4. He's an amazing man of God.
5. He takes an interest in what I'm interested in.
6. WE ARE GOING TO GERMANY TOGETHER.

Love. End.

Multiple Happinesses

Good things that happened today:

1. 91 on German Quiz
2. Valentine's Day Package from my mom
3. Great Talk with Ron
4. Got offered an RA position
5. Chris
6. C&Os
7. Juno
8. Chris

Life is really good. This week has been amazing. Just two more and its Spring Break! Hallelujah! Also, I'm going to be an RA. Next year should be very, very interesting...More tomorrow. Love. End.

P.S. Apparently 5's are good numbers too.

Celebrating Love

I'm so in love. And its way fun to celebrate love. I never thought I liked Valentine's Day but I do. And I like Chris. And I like us. And I like hanging out with people for like hours. And I like not caring about school. And I like knowing that its all going to work out. And I like spur of the moment plane tickets. And I love Chris.

Healing

God is so amazing. There has been so much happiness and healing going on in my life in like the past couple of weeks and especially today. I had a great conversation with David and the Chris and I had a really good talk. I feel so good about everything and like everything is headed in the right direction. I think I will update this specific blog more later and write about exactly what happened.
Okay, love. Goodnight.

Energy

I haven't felt this good in so long. And by so long I mean like a month. But regardless, I haven't had this much energy in forever it feels like. And today was amazing. I had class and barely passed a history test. Then work, then dinner with Reuben and got to sit and talk about boyfriends/girlfriends the whole time. Then a good workout/talk with Reuben and Lauren. Then One Tree Hill with the girls and helping Traci with her project. Nothing to exciting but overall amazing.

Things I am thankful for:
1. Chris
2. Girlfriends
3. Good dinners
4. Clean Water
5. Tuesdays
6. One Tree Hill
7. God working in people's lives
8. Feeling not stressed out about anything
9. Getting to have a weekend in Malibu
10. Malibu
11. The movie Definitely,Maybe.
12. My dad buying my mom jewelry for Valentine's Day
13. Being in love
14. Be happy for other people who are love
15. Reconciling with your best friend
16. Spring Break
17. Webcams
18. Grad schools
19. Germany
20. Good music


P.S. My boyfriend is having an eternal dilemma with his life.

Sleep

Dear BLOG

It is way too late to be writing in you. I don't know why suddnely after a month and ahalf you have an identity but you do. Maybe at some point I will name you and give you characteristics. First characteristic: You need sleep. So do I. Let's good to be.d

Goodnight. Love. End.

Mind Games

Dear Blog,

I need to be in bed right now because I did not sleep very much this weekend. I'm going to make this entry very short in hopes that one day this week you will get a complete summary of the weekend and everything that happened. There is a lot on my mind which means I probably won't sleep well tonight. Except that I am really tired. I felt so good after this weekend and now I just feel weird about everything. Remember when there was time to relax in life? Yeah me too. Those were the good ol' days. I think my head is playing tricks on me. I think I need to read more of Captivating. Okay, that's all.

Deine.

Making the Best

I'm going to make the best of everything which means I need to go to bed right now. Goodnight. Lots to write about tomorrow. Love.

Vegas, Baby

Tonight Barbara and I drove to Vegas. It was basically amazing. We are basically best friends. Its basically amazing. It tooks us 8 hours to do what would normally be a five hour drive. However, we did stop for La Salsa, coffee, and In&Out. We are not fatties. In fact, we have very voluptuous curves. And most of the time we listened to amazing music which we actually talked over most of the time. Then we we actually decided to listen to music the CD player went out which forced us to talk even more. And by forced I definitely mean allow. We basically know everything about each other now. We are staying with Brooks and he has a German Shepard mutt. Does anyone else believe in signs because I do? Maybe tomorrow I'll post the playlists to our incredible mixxes but right now I have to go help Barbara prepare for tomorrow. She's going to be basically amazing.

Love. End.

Correct Interpretation

So mine and Chris's song is "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain which is quite possibly one of the most beautiful songs ever written/sung. However, there are some parts of it that are a little confusing. So I was reading online about song meanings, etc to try and figure out what some of it meant. However, there were some really bogus things that people said. So I decided that I would follow the lead of one of the girls and give my own line by line interpretation...the correct way.

"The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath"
When I look into your eyes, it takes my breath away.

"Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth"
Although we can see the beauty and majesty of the mountains, we still can't even comprehend their depth. Although he can see her beauty, he can't even comprehend her depth.

"Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love"
Say that we are meant to be and let's have a fairytale with all the characteristics of love

"I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips"
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above"
It's a play on the word hang. He was so deep into pain that it was hanging him. But she has redeemed him.

"I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be love suicide"
Another way of describing suicide is destroying of one's own interests. So he's saying that he will be there no matter what and be self-sacrificing for love.

"I'll Be better when I'm older"
Love only gets greater and stronger with time.

"I'll Be the greatest fan of your life"
This line means a lot more to me than it possibly does to other people because I basically confessed to Chris everything wrong I had ever done and this song was his response. This line was what hit me the hardest because its saying that you know everything about me and I know everything about you and still I'm your number one fan.

"Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed"
"You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead"
In reference to hanging from the gallows of love in previous lines- he is saying that she is his redemption.

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be love suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

"I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead"
I've struggled my whole life- the pain was literally killing me but because of you I fought my way back to happiness and freedom.

"Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things you said"
I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be love suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

So there ya go. The right interpretation. It's really a beautiful song about finding hope in love even when you thought all hope was lost and becoming a new person because someone believed in you enough and loved you enough that you could be better than you were before.

Reason #4567 why I love my boyfriend: This song.
Reason #2958 why I love my boyfriend: He is the cheese to my macaroni.

Conversation

I love conversation hearts. Here's a good story about them: This one time I was dating this guy who will remain nameless and it was around Valentine's day. Now, V-day was on a Friday and I had made him this Dashboard Confessional duct tape wallet, which was totally cool and amazing at the time. So all week I decided that I would bring him something to school leading up to Valentine's Day. So, one of these days I brought him conversation hearts. And I gave him the box and he kinda looked at me funny. And I was like "What's wrong?" And he was like, "I hate conversation hearts!". Obviously, I was crushed. So then for Valentine's Day he bought me a 5 lb bag of conversationa hearts. How's that for some good conversation?

Reason #2957 why I love my boyfriend: He likes conversation hearts.

End. Love.

Sustainment

WE ARE GOING TO GERMANY!!! No, seriously. We are going. In like 3 months, we will be back in Dresden. Well, I will be back and Chris will be there. Chris will be with me in Germany. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I am so excited. I am so excited. The end.

Tonight we had our research banquet. It was a lot better than I anticipated. But then again most things that I don't want to do are. We had this amazingly nice catered dinner. And these missionaries spoke which was kind of odd but apparently they fund a good chunk of the research we do during the summer. So they were talking about their mission in Fiji and he said that one of their goals was that their work would be self sustaining. That kinda hit me weird- good weird. Self sustaining...Basically, what he meant was that they wanted a church in which the work would continue after they were gone.

So, now, of course I want that for Dresden. I want mine and Chris's work to be self sustaining. But what if we took it a step further? I mean don't we want everything about our lives to be self sustaining. Don't we want to leave a legacy. But I guess the way that I am really thinknig about it is don't we want even our daily mission work to be self sustaining. Don't we want everything we do in our ministries and when ministering to each other to be self sustaining?

Christ was the perfect example of self sustainment. Look how many years His legacy has lived on. So shouldn't we then want everything we do in His name to be self sustaining?

Another Day

I am so tired. But not like oh I really need sleep tired but just like my body is trying to get well and it's wearing me out!!

I have a German test tomorrow.

I can't wait to be married. And by be married I really mean get married. And by get married I really mean have a wedding and a honeymoon, etc. Maybe I should be a wedding planner. Then I would get to have weddings for the rest of my life. I mean it could be really fun. We'll see what God has in store. He always has something new up His sleeve that is unexpected. So I'll shoot for my wedding first and then Germany and then we'll pick it up from there.

I can't wait for the rest of my life to happen but at the same time it's like I've waited so long for it, I don't really want it to be over yet. So yes I want all of those things but right now I really like anticipating them all. I'm ready to still be young for a little while. And the great thing is, is that I get to.

It just seems like that once you hit 20 life hits the fast forward button. I don't really feel like that yet butI am really nervous about everything going so fast and turning around and realizing I am 50 and my kids have left home, etc.

I really hope that I know Chris in Heaven. Because then there is no fear of this life ever being over. Don't get me wrong. I can't wait for Heaven either but I would feel sad if we didn't know each other there. Because to me right now he is Heaven.

:)

Forgetfulness

Dear Blog,

I almost forgot about you tonight. That would have been extremely tragic because I have been doing so good at keeping up with you. But, alas, here I am not forgetting about you. It's not that I don't love you anymore, its just that its been quite the long weekend and we'll I just have a lot on my mind. I'm not sure about everything but it my horoscope says that something is bothering me and I need to work it out alone and then with my sweetie. I think the horoscope is right. And we talked some tonight about things and it helped me. The new goal is to do something for at least half an hour a day that is something I want to do- a stress release. Oddly enough, this is going to be a really hard task for me. I can't do things like that because I always need to be doing something. But this semester is all about forming better habits so let's just add this one to the list. I mean I am practically going to be a new person by the time this semester is over. It's going to be fantastic. Okay I'm going to bed now. I won't forget about you anymore. I wish that you could somehow remind me, like I wish I could call you or something. Okay, peace.

Bis bald und alles Liebe.

Carefree-ness

Today was completing wonderful and relaxing. I woke up and talked to Chris for a couple hours. Then I had lunch with Kayla and we had an amazing talk about everything basically happening in both of our lives. Then I went over to Traci's and helped her with Bryan's gift. Then I watched Goodbye Lenin with Barbara and we decided we are going to road trip after graduation. It's weekends like these that make me never want to leave. I wish I could have more weekends like these. Next weekend is Vegas and it shall prove to be extremely...well, extreme, I guess. Also, I can't wait til this summer. I love everything. Goodnight.

Sunset Jazz

Tonight Traci and I had the most amazing time! Sunday is Bryan's birthday and then obviously Valentine's Day is coming up soon. So, we went to get stuff for that. One of the places that we went was called "Hear Music". Its a Starbucks but then inside is a music store where you can make your own mixed CD. So we sat for like 2 hours and listened to music and made this amazing CD. And we had such a blast doing it. Let me just say that I am going to go make CDs there all the time. I need to make more money at my job so that I can go make mixed CDs.

But more importantly Traci and I had a really good time bonding and spending time together. I love her.

Okay more about all of this later and RA interviewing, etc.

Love.