Lost Luggage

Picture taken from Chris's webcam. Cool? Yes. This is what I look like after the day that I had yesterday and fighting with airlines still today. My bag still isn't here. I hope that they get here soon. If they don't, I don't know what. I am so tired though. I wish they were already here. I will write more about everything but right now I am a little too tired to put it all down.

So today I realized how beneficial this blog is going to be. Here's why: I had to write a response to a prompt today in my class and I could already tell that writing everyday (even if its just a little) is really helping. My ideas are just flowing so much better and I am able to express myself. So this blog is going to be helpful to everyone involved.

Its going to be a good semester. I still don't know if I'm ready for it but I guess I don't really have a choice

Destressing

Is it weird to think that I wanted to come back to school (from break) so that I could finally get a break? Yes it is weird. Today has been nothing short of crazy and lots of stress. I've cried for probably 3/4 of it. Surprisingly enough I feel really good right now and I'm really glad to be back. However, its really late ( a lot later than it should be) and I have an early class so I'll have to write more on this tomorrow. This picture is of my bear who is my current hero because he has gotten me through this day and break and well everything basically. He's always there for me no matter what. Love it! And yes I'm 5. You know you love it. Goodnight!!

Waiting for the Future

Here's the thing. I'm really in love with Chris. I'm really in love with Germany. I can't wait until I can eat Prinzen cookies all the time. Except that you know that is not what I am looking forward to the most. I just remembered that I am going to be a trainer this semester for LST. I actually can't wait. I think it's going to be wonderful. I feel good about this semester. I hope I'm right. Mostly I hope I can focus.

Relaxation

This is Chris and I on our special date to the Mastergrill :) Love it. Love him. :)

It's weird because it seems like no matter what Chris and I have such a hard time relaxing. Even when we are doing something fun we tend to get so serious. I can't wait for this summer because I'm really hoping that we will actually just get to have some fun together. We will, I'm sure. This break was great because we did have some time where we could just relax, but it went by so fast. I can't believe I'm going back to school on Sunday. If I have ever not been ready to go back to school, its now. And its not even leaving home or anything like that. I literally do not want to go back to class and writing papers, etc. However, I can't justify taking a semester off either because I know as sure as I do that I will never go back to school. So push through. I wish they would just let me graduate early. It looks like I'm going to have to pull too many strings.

I think the other thing is with my relationship with God. Since school has been out, its been really easy to be laxed about that (interestingly enough) and that has put more worry in my mind and made me less at ease. I know that he is going to work everything out the way that its supposed to. Worry is the sin of not trusting God.

Lately on of the main things I have been worried about has been losing Chris. I know that's an odd fear especially at our age but I have this huge fear of us never getting to live the life we have planned together. Like something is going to get in the way and keep us from it. I don't know where this fear came from. I think its partly from the failure of last relationships. All those relationships promised the future, too and none of them could deliver. And now here's another. But this time its different. I hate saying that. I mean its true but I still hate saying that because it sounds so cliche. I just have this fear that we are never going to get there. That something beyond our will and control is going to keep us from each other.

I think this fear comes mostly from the stress of change. I have been so stressed out with so much change recently in my life. It's in a constant state of upheaval. I just need some stability yknow? I just need a house or something stable. And nothing is. That is very insecure feeling. And I think that insecurity is projected on to other things.

I suppose the truth is that Pepperdine has never quite felt like home. It does in the sense that I am comfortable there now but something about it has never felt quite right. I can't feel at ease anywhere in California really. I do like my room though. Its true. But otherwise I feel very insecure about life at Pepperdine. And I think that is the cause of my antisocialness lately. I have to be so careful of that this semester. I can't let myself get into that funk again. It will do noone any good. And its Barbara's last semester so I have to spend a lot of time with her and work on our friendship. I just don't want to yknow? And thats my problem. I don't want to fight them there anymore because I have found happiness here. So what's the point I guess is my thought? There are lots of points and very good reasons as to why I should have relationships with people out there. #1 is because the world does not revolve around me and hinge on my happiness and whether I like it or not God has blessed me with a lot of gifts that the world needs. And its not my job to hoard them but rather to share them and use them to his glory. So maybe what I am supposed to be learning from Pepperdine is selflessness, which is interesting because the culture out there is quite possibly to most selfish in the entire world.

I heard a song the other day that completly described last semester and I think will probably describe the upcoming semester. It's called Wildfires by Alissa Moreno. Amazing right? God speaks to us in ways that we understand. So here it is:

every time you think you won't make it
and each time you're convinced that you can't take it
picture me in this light
think of me, you can fight
i've been chewed up and spit
i've been big, i've been hit
i've been burned but i have learned

that we survive, we get by
we take the hit and we learn to fight
we collide, but we don't die
trying to put out wildfires (x2)

when you get the feeling that it's not in you
and all those times remind you of what you can't do
remember me, i've lost and loved
and i am not giving up

though i've been torn, i've been used
i've been fooled, i've abused
all my rights to living, but i'm alive

'cause we survive, we get by
we take the hit and we learn to fight
we collide, but we don't die
trying to put out wildfires

let them come, i'm going to let them take me
let them burn up everything that's made me
'til the end, i swear, i'm never going to let them break me

though i've been crushed, i've been killed
i've been scared, but god, i will
keep on trudging up this crazy hill

we survive, we get by
we take the hit and we learn to fight
we collide, but we don't die
trying to put out wildfires

when there's no doubt how it's going to turn out
let them burn out, never put out wildfires

Leather Pants

Dear World,

I am a bad friend. We are sick because we smoked. Not really. Katy gave it up for New Years. Tonight we went to bowl with her buddy Corey Starbucks. Remember Corey Starbucks? I do. And let me tell you, he remembers Katy. In fact, I think he has some kind of shrine to her somewhere up in Chicago. She says he has a girlfriend. HA! It's probably a cover up. Maybe he's gay. Maybe that's why he is so nice and wears leather pants. He was definetly an interesting guy. Katy likes him whether or not she wants to admit it. I think she just won't let herself. But then again that's Katy for you. Chris is coming back into town tomorrow. We are going on a hot date. I bought this outfit that its totally not me but I decided that I'm going to wear it anyways and that I'm going to look hot. The End. More tomorrow. For tonight, here's a picture of me and Katy as we have been trying to get Corey Starbucks to text us back. He's a really boring texter. But then again, not many people can be as good as me and Katy. Don't judge us by this picture. Btw, this blog is called leather pants because Corey couldn't stop talking about his leather pants. And while he was bowling he bent over a few times so that Katy could see everything. Too bad she wasn't looking. And too bad they looked horrible. I wish I had a picture of them but that might be even weirder. Okay goodnight.

Love YA!

Mellophones

It's GAME DAY!

Down here in the South, football is a religion. You think that is an exaggeration until you actually experience football in the South. During football season, church service ends half an hour early so that we can get home for the "big" game. All of the games are big games. Imagine this: 85,000 people in one stadium. And that's just college ball. I never watched a Sooners football game before this semester. And I haven't even watched that many. I attended my first college football game in November. I sat in that stadium and all I could think was "If only these people could see themselves". But then I realized that somehow it just ropes you in. It's weird. And you don't even realize it at first. You think that you are just watching the game because your boyfriend plays in the band. And of course, its true. The most exciting part is seeing the band. But then you start singing along with the band, and doing the chants. Then you start to know which chants are supposed to happen at what times. Then you start learning the names of the players. Then one night you are sitting in your living room chanting, doing the hand motions, talking to the coaches and the players on TV as if they can hear you and it all hits you. You're a true Sooners fan. Not because you have to but because you love the team and the game. There is no one in the history of the world who hasn't liked football. Think back to the gladiator games during the times of the Romans. It's true. A football game in the South is reminiscent of the gladiators in ancient times. People have always gotten pleasure out of watching other people knock each other down. At least now we have rules and a little bit of class. And some really cool uniforms, cheerleaders, a band, and t-shirts. Of course, there are t-shirts.

I suppose the most amazing part is how football becomes people's identity. Some schools are defined by their academics, some schools are defined by their grad programs. OU is great because their football team is great. The people of Oklahoma are defined by the greatness of the college football team. And they have plenty of paraphernalia to let you know that. One shirt we saw as we were walking around Norman said "We not arrogant we are just better than yOU." I'm not kidding. And this was in one of the 1,000s of shops that contains millions of different types of OU regalia. Get this. You, yes you, can own your own OU toothbrush. Amazing? I don't know. True? Absolutely.

How much money do you think is spent on football every season. Think about it. 85,000 people for one game in on stadium. How much are tickets? Let's say on average they are $50. Some are a lot more, some a lot less. Do the math. Here I will for you. $4,250,000 on one college football game. Now let's say that 75,000 of those people are wearing an OU shirt or some sort of OU something. And let me tell you, 75,000 is low-balling it. That entire stadium is crimson and cream. So, at $10 (everything is more expensive than this but let's just say) that would be $750,000 spent on paraphernalia. I, myself, own three items of OU clothing. One sweatshirt: $50, Sweatpants: $25, T-shirt: $20. I'm not sure how I feel contributing almost $100 to the OU bandwagon. However, it is a lot of fun. Like I said before- somehow it just ropes you in.

OU is a program that brings out the best in every athlete. What is good about football? It gives people something to get behind. How much does it inspire a young player to do well when there is that many people that believe in you? How much pressure when you are a freshman quarterback and that many people are counting on you? What exactly is it about OU football that brings out the best in every athlete? What exactly does that mean? Does that mean that they have the best team spirit and work the best together as the team? Or is that it brings out individually the best in each athlete and since they have the best individuals it makes them look good as a team? The problem with OU people would claim is their pride. They are so proud of their school, its sometimes a little ridiculous. When your entire family goes to OU, all your shirts are red, you watch every football game...let's just say there is such thing as being excessive. Argumentatively, the best thing about OU is their pride. With that kind of pride, they can't help but be good at what they do. Their quarterback is a freshman who led his team to be Big 12 champions and also maintains a 4.0 GPA. Really? It makes you sit back and look at what you are doing with your life. But, the school should feel good that they can boast something like that. Not only do they encourage good athletics but also good academics. So maybe that's what really defines them as a great school.

Side Comment: This game is ridiculously vicious. They are knocking each other down left and right. I don't even think that either teams is really playing football. They are all so nervous. West Virginia wants to beat one of the best teams in college ball and Oklahoma needs to prove themselves from the loss to Boise State at the same bowl last year. I can feel the tension and I'm only watching on TV. And they are not catching the ball at all, either team. Only twice, and it was two Virigina interceptions. Come on guys, you beat Missouri twice. This should be a piece of cake. It's only the first quarter and they've lost the ball twice already. Virginia is ready, no doubt. But my boys will overcome. They just need to relax. Deep breaths boys. You can do it.
One more thing? WHY IS NO ONE CATCHING THE BALL?? Isn't that one of the first things that you practice in little league football camp? CATCH THE FREAKIN' BALL and this will be a much more interesting game. Next comment: Why the hell are people just running down the field with no one stopping them? This is a little ridiculous. Maybe we should start playing some football.

Prim and Proper

What do I normally write about? Whatever I am feeling or thinking about, I guess. But I don't really want to write about what is on my mind right now because I would rather start the year out positively. That's not really the point of these things is it. It's supposed to help me think creatively and release everything that is going on.

I can't really tell you what has been going on lately. I've been going through a series of different emotions, all extremes. It's been happy and stressful all at the same time. Honestly I would just like a break. It feels like no matter how much I sleep I still don't feel rested. Maybe it's the anticipation of everything to come. Maybe I am anticipating this next semester and having to deal with the stress of school and the stress of long distance again. Also, there's the possibility of graduating early and moving to Oklahoma and getting married, etc. It's all so much. But does it ever stop? It just seems like now its one big decision right after the next.

And then the doubt creeps in. Are any of these decisions actually right? It's amazing how a little less time in prayer can allow room for so many questions. We are so young. But we are so sure. But are we really sure? I'm pretty sure I'm sure. I just don't want us to make a mistake. Barbara's right. The important thing is the communication. And it seems like we get better at it everyday. It's weird to think that being happy can still allow for so much stress. It is really stressful and again, I have a feeling that it doesn't get any easier. If only I could get a good night's sleep. Maybe when I'm sleeping next to him I will. We'll see.

Prim and Proper with a little unique.

You're worth it.

This is a picture of me in my room talking on the phone to Chris (see bluetooth headset) and holding a gingerbread man cookie. This cookies were made by Chris and I for my party last week. We got a little creative and added the sprinkles and peppermints to the cookies. They were really good. However, this was one was pretty stale. I still ate it out of principle.



"Move To The Other Side Of The Block"
So we try and try all of our lives
Working with such pride, making cash just to survive
As we race and grade and judge always
other folks mistakes makes us good to feel that way.

And don't you know, it never stops.
Try to please the world and beat the ticking clocks,
but I, I'm not letting it happen this time.

No, no, because they're rooting I'll fail, and rooting she'll bail,
they feel so secure when I'm in this jail, but I,
I'm not letting it happen this time

So I'll move to the other side of the block
so we wont ever have to stop
making the rounds, having the laughs
singing the sounds of relaxing,
and on the other side of the clock
the power switch will be turned off
and all will be well and time will stand still,
and I will be locked out from my jail.