Deceptive Smiles

In Japan, there are two faces- the public face and the private face. The public face is similar to the American "poker" face. The keep a straight business with everyone until they are on a deeper more intimate level. At this point, revealed to you is their private face. With their private face they can show emotion and even make eye contact. Another interesting difference is the Japanese smile. Japanese only smile to hide emotion. If a Japanese person is smiling they could be feeling a myriad of emotions ranging from happy, sad, ashamed, fearful, etc.

They say that the Japanese are almost polar opposites to Americans. Some of the reasons are those listed above. I would argue that we are a lot more alike than we seem to believe. Yes, the Japanese are more collectivistic and we are more individualistic. Yes, they have different traditions. Yes, there are some major cultural differences. But when it comes to showing and hiding emotion I would argue that Americans are not a far cry from their Japanese brother.

Especially myself. Take the smile for example. I smile when I'm hurting. I smile when I cry. I smile when I'm acting. I smile when I'm helping. I smile when I'm happy. There are a few times when you can tell the difference between a public smile and a real smile. Most of the times these only happen in my room or in the comfort of someone that I'm very comfortable and intimate with. Most of the time I don't even notice. I've always thought myself to be a happy, optimistic person. And I would still say that I am. However, I've realized that I laugh a little less than I used to and I don't smile for real very often. It's a interesting paradox that I didn't even realize I was living in.

I think that maybe I'm in a place where I'm afraid to laugh. There's so much stress and so much pressure. There's so much confusion and so much doubt. There's so much to do and it never stops. But then again, maybe that's just life. Maybe I need to learn to laugh now so that when life continues to happen later I will already know what laughing and smiling feel like. Maybe I should allow for the little things to be the greatest joys in my life. Maybe that's why I like Stranger than Ficton so much.

I'm a Crab so it apparently takes a lot to get me to come out of my shell. I feel like I have been hidding in the comfort of my shell a lot recently. I think I have been terrified to come out. Then I will for a little bit but it takes the slightest thing and I'm gone again. Maybe its a lack of trust for life and the rest of the world. Maybe I'm still angry at the world. I'd like to think that its all just part of the healing process. The world and I are learning to trust each other again.

And once we have found that trust, maybe next we can learn how to laugh, again.