Disconnect

I know you.
No you don't.
I mean sometimes you surprise me but I get the gist of it.

The princess and her prince lived happily ever after but the point gentlemen is that the lived.

If there is such thing as happily ever after I don't know that it necessarily comes happily. Happiness is a choice. True? Yes. The hardest thing in life ever? Definitely yes.

So I'm sitting here right now watching the Hills looking at the first wedding magazine I ever let myself buy. Its ironic isn't it? Maybe I jinxed it. I knew I shouldn't have bought one but then again I though just one...just for fun. And there ya go.

I hate this. I hate this more than anything in the entire world. And I'm not quite sure how to fix it or where to go from here. Sometimes it feels like this is going to just swallow me whole. Does everyone feel like this or am I just crazy? Cause thats what it feels like all the time. Its too much for me to handle so why should I ask someone else to handle it too.

Its not over. But I'm not broken. I refuse to be broken. I'm healing. And that takes time. And I just have to let it take time...whatever that means, whatever it takes.

Its just hard when the past can hurt you so much today. I just don't want to deal with it. And I still have to...it always come back. How do you just make it not come back anymore? I don't know.

And I hate ending this way. I hate hanging up like that more than anything. But I have just been selfish through this whole thing so I can't really expect much more. It is my fault. And I recognize that. But maybe right now I need to be selfish so that I can get over this. Maybe the problem is that I've never let myself be selfish for long enough before and now I need to...or maybe its the opposite...maybe I'm too selfish all the time. I don't know. I couldn't tell you. Its all so blurry right now.

And I can't even enjoy my magazine that I've been dying to have. Its not supposed to be like this.

Sophie B. Hawkins - Lose Your Way
I have no confidence
And I can't see why I should
But I could do most anything for you
And you know I would

I try too hard and
Then I give up way too easily
I'm the runner-up inside of you
And you're the winner inside of me

(chorus)
Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go

I still wish on the evening star
And I s’pose I always will
Every child loses something
A whole life can’t fulfill
And when you cry I feel the sky
Burst open in my veins
If loving you makes a slave of me
Then I'll spend my whole life in chains

Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go.

Walk the line
I’ll walk inside you
Change your mind
Let your love decide you
It’s the reason I know
You’ll never let me go

Never let me go.
Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go.

Walk the line
I'll walk inside you
Change your mind,
Let your love decide you

It's the reason I know
You'll never let me go